Tastes Better Baptized.

Editor's note: The following is an opinion piece from a Local Voices blogger who is a Midtown resident and business owner. It does not necessarily reflect the views of Midtown Patch.

So I read that a Chik-Fil-A BaldWig came out of the hater's closet against sanity and equality. According to internet sources, Dan Cathy has kowtowed to his Christian Chicken Eating Base by invoking biblical yadda yadda’s about ‘traditional marriage.’ As in, they oppose love unless it with your first spouse. Why? It demonstrates moral superiority, which is why some people bother to point out just how wrong everyone is; because they got GOD POWER! And they have a Golden GOD money Pen that writes In God We Trust checks to the 'right thinking people.'

Yup, gays and divorcees and widows are all going to That Special Place where they don’t serve baptized chicken: Hardy’s®

Yes, if you don’t love the Jesus, and you don’t stay married to your first opposite sex spouse, then NO FILET FOR YOU, SINNER.

The King of King’s Chicken Cardinal intoned to a ‘diverse’ audience of ‘vastly different opinions,' (because preaching to the choir that because you are morally superior so are your waffle fries, is OK) the following gem:

"I think we are inviting God's judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at Him and say 'we know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage' and I pray God's mercy on our generation that has such a prideful, arrogant attitude to think that we have the audacity to define what marriage is about," Cathy said in an appearance on "The Ken Coleman Show."

Oh do tell? Um, isn’t that exactly what you and YOUR generation is doing, saying ‘hey we know better than you what constitutes a marriage’? Dude, seriously? The “prideful, arrogant attitude” is dripping with pathos like an extra dose of mayo doled out on an Easter wafer fry.

RTFM: Mote/beam etc.

I really feel sorry for the one or two Cathy family members who are probably so deep in the closet they can see Narnia. The family intervention *shudder* surely it involves the bun toaster and an application of Ye Holy Mop Handle.

When a human family unit uses their popular religion as some moral justification to murder hens for the consumption of their evangelical base and making millions of ObamaBucks in the process, I say THEIR GOD BLESS THEM. I’m sure there is a special little kitchen waiting for them in the alleged afterlife. Double fryers and open flame! Onward Christian Chickens, marching off to lunch!

However, use your hen murdering Family name to publically act like a morally superior intolerant 12th century bigot, expect some backlash on your buns. Like these words, only…with more impact

I like Christians, who actually are real Christians. Not the ones that publically declare their affiliation in the market place (note to C-F-A, you DO NOT NEED THE JESUS SHOW TO PUSH YOUR great PRODUCT), but the ones who follow the teachings of Jesus, as allegedly spoken from HIS mouth. And are pro-life for chickens.

So thank your god for finally coming out of the closet as a GLBT (or is that GBLT, IDK….) hater, Deacon Dan Cathy. When I attend the Falcon games I will continue to capture your flying cow demons with their magical parachutes, I send them to a local group who sacrifices them to Santa.

Or is that Satan? I get confused. Sometimes the lines between good and not-so-good blur…

You can thank your lord that you 'live in a country where you are allowed to say hateful, un-christian like things.' Thank your lord we all have the freedom to mock you as a cold, uncaring soul.

DISCLAIMER: Religion, ugh, why even bring it up? Even though they have a great product, I never eat at C-F-A. I prefer my high fat meals Judgment Free™. Because I’m pro-choice where I spend my money. Any followers of Jesus who are offended by my words should do the Christian thing: Forgive me.