Tastes Better Baptized.

Finger Licking Salvation, a la mode Served with a side of petty judgement.

Editor's note: The following is an opinion piece from a Local Voices blogger who is a Midtown resident and business owner. It does not necessarily reflect the views of Midtown Patch.

So I read that a Chik-Fil-A BaldWig came out of the hater's closet against sanity and equality. According to internet sources, Dan Cathy has kowtowed to his Christian Chicken Eating Base by invoking biblical yadda yadda’s about ‘traditional marriage.’ As in, they oppose love unless it with your first spouse. Why? It demonstrates moral superiority, which is why some people bother to point out just how wrong everyone is; because they got GOD POWER! And they have a Golden GOD money Pen that writes In God We Trust checks to the 'right thinking people.'

Yup, gays and divorcees and widows are all going to That Special Place where they don’t serve baptized chicken: Hardy’s®

Yes, if you don’t love the Jesus, and you don’t stay married to your first opposite sex spouse, then NO FILET FOR YOU, SINNER.

The King of King’s Chicken Cardinal intoned to a ‘diverse’ audience of ‘vastly different opinions,' (because preaching to the choir that because you are morally superior so are your waffle fries, is OK) the following gem:

"I think we are inviting God's judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at Him and say 'we know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage' and I pray God's mercy on our generation that has such a prideful, arrogant attitude to think that we have the audacity to define what marriage is about," Cathy said in an appearance on "The Ken Coleman Show."

Oh do tell? Um, isn’t that exactly what you and YOUR generation is doing, saying ‘hey we know better than you what constitutes a marriage’? Dude, seriously? The “prideful, arrogant attitude” is dripping with pathos like an extra dose of mayo doled out on an Easter wafer fry.

RTFM: Mote/beam etc.

I really feel sorry for the one or two Cathy family members who are probably so deep in the closet they can see Narnia. The family intervention *shudder* surely it involves the bun toaster and an application of Ye Holy Mop Handle.

When a human family unit uses their popular religion as some moral justification to murder hens for the consumption of their evangelical base and making millions of ObamaBucks in the process, I say THEIR GOD BLESS THEM. I’m sure there is a special little kitchen waiting for them in the alleged afterlife. Double fryers and open flame! Onward Christian Chickens, marching off to lunch!

However, use your hen murdering Family name to publically act like a morally superior intolerant 12th century bigot, expect some backlash on your buns. Like these words, only…with more impact

I like Christians, who actually are real Christians. Not the ones that publically declare their affiliation in the market place (note to C-F-A, you DO NOT NEED THE JESUS SHOW TO PUSH YOUR great PRODUCT), but the ones who follow the teachings of Jesus, as allegedly spoken from HIS mouth. And are pro-life for chickens.

So thank your god for finally coming out of the closet as a GLBT (or is that GBLT, IDK….) hater, Deacon Dan Cathy. When I attend the Falcon games I will continue to capture your flying cow demons with their magical parachutes, I send them to a local group who sacrifices them to Santa.

Or is that Satan? I get confused. Sometimes the lines between good and not-so-good blur…

You can thank your lord that you 'live in a country where you are allowed to say hateful, un-christian like things.' Thank your lord we all have the freedom to mock you as a cold, uncaring soul.

DISCLAIMER: Religion, ugh, why even bring it up? Even though they have a great product, I never eat at C-F-A. I prefer my high fat meals Judgment Free™. Because I’m pro-choice where I spend my money. Any followers of Jesus who are offended by my words should do the Christian thing: Forgive me.

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

Charles Boehmig July 19, 2012 at 04:15 PM
I don't disagree with you, but for the love of Zeus please take a writing class.
Marc Acampora July 19, 2012 at 04:25 PM
Charles, agreed. Good ideas, challenging read. My opinion is the CFA folks are free to believe whatever silliness they choose. They are free to believe in a 2000 year old Jewish zombie who walked on water. They are free to close their business on Sundays so they can eat his flesh and drink his blood. And I am free to not buy his products.
Rick D. Day July 19, 2012 at 05:06 PM
Sometimes, it is best to let the flaws through. Better done than perfect. And when i get paid to write, I am certainly more careful. Ergo: you get what you pay for :) And yes, I <3 Zeus over Yahweh Be well.
Rick D. Day July 19, 2012 at 05:08 PM
I'll work on it. Frankly, I was not sure when I submitted it, it would be published, and is an issue that has been festering with that company for a few years. I reckon the piety got to me. Bless America!
Rick D. Day July 19, 2012 at 05:09 PM
They left "Holy water" out of that recipe. Otherwise NOM NOM


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